Local Attractions
by lfvoy
Summary: Malcolm didn't realize it was love until it was too late...or was it? Sometimes, the things we see the most are the things we understand the least. Reed/Sato with a Tucker/Reed subplot.
1. Shut Your Eyes

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

_Author's Notes: You will need to have seen the third and fourth seasons of _Enterprise_ for this story to make sense. Also, while it's not in this chapter, be aware that this story will eventually contain a slash subplot. If that is a problem for you, please reconsider reading._

_I know I know, my bio says I don't write slash, but for this one I decided to challenge myself by pushing outside my comfort zone, both by shipping Reed/Sato (which I generally don't do) and by writing slash. It was fun, but exhausting, and although I succeeded I doubt I'll do either again anytime soon. _

_____MAJOR props go to QuietRaine for beta reading, suggestions, comments and periodic nagging. I probably wouldn't have made it if not for her!_  


* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

He woke suddenly, gasping. It had all been so clear, so beautiful. He'd seen Urquat in his dreams again, covered in pristine snow after winter's first storm. It had glittered in the moonlight and almost seemed to sing in clear chiming notes.

He'd have given anything to have actually _been_ there.

Shivering, Malcolm pulled his covers around him and debated whether or not he should try and go back to sleep. He hadn't had much success at that lately, and his alarm would be going off in an hour. If he did make it back to sleep, he'd likely be awakened after mere minutes.

Sighing, he threw the covers off and got up. His stomach roiled at the idea of breakfast – Chef's food still wasn't sitting right – but there was work enough to keep him busy in the Armory. He'd lost time while recovering from the Loque'eque virus, so it wouldn't hurt if he reported for duty early to start catching up.

At least, he reflected as he headed for the shower, the itching had finally stopped.

* * *

Fourteen hours after reporting for duty, he realized he still hadn't eaten since the day before. The idea itself was still repugnant, but he knew that his body needed the fuel. With a sigh, he shut down his console and headed for the mess hall. Maybe he could manage something simple.

Hoshi was already there, staring at the cases with an equally apprehensive look on her face. "None of it looks even remotely good," she said to him, keeping her voice low so Chef wouldn't accidentally overhear.

Malcolm answered with a sigh. "I know. But we need to."

"Yeah, especially since we're still recovering." She rubbed the sleeve of her uniform for a second before grimacing in realization.

"You're still itching?"

"A little. Not that much though."

"All the more reason to make sure we're taking care of ourselves." He wasn't sure which one of them he was trying to persuade.

Her answer was another grimace, though she reached to open the doors. She took out two sandwiches and handed one to him. "These look pretty bland. They might work."

They did, but just barely. Malcolm wasted no time in taking their dishes up to the recycler after they'd finished eating. The smell had become overpowering.

But focusing on it helped him stave off his gloomy mood. It'd been three days now since Phlox had given them the antivirus. How long was this going to last?

He got a glass of water to help wash the taste out of his mouth and noticed that Hoshi was still at the table, staring out the viewport at the stars. The sad look on her face reflected his mood. After drawing another glass of water, he took it to her and sat back down. "What is it?"

"I still dream about it," she said. "Urquat."

"I do too."

"It was so..." she trailed off. "Earth seems like just so much dirt in comparison. It almost leaves me dizzy to think about how beautiful it was." A sour look crossed her face. "But it was _their_ home, not ours. I wonder if we'll ever get back to normal."

"We will." He knew he didn't exactly sound convincing, but they had to believe it.

She closed her eyes, shoulders drooping. "I worry about that so much it hurts sometimes."

"It's late," he observed. "Maybe you should get some sleep. It might help."

"That's another problem. I can't. I keep dreaming about it, and when I wake up and realize that it was nothing more than the virus…" she trailed off again. "I'd almost rather be itching. At least it lets me forget about it for a while."

He reached out and covered her hand with his. "I know. I can't sleep either."

They sat there in silence for a while, staring out at the stars, before she gave him an enigmatic look and gently turned her own hand over, threading her fingers through his. Startled, Malcolm looked down at their entwined hands. "Hoshi?"

"I, um…" she seemed nervous. "Maybe, you know, it might be better if we didn't try to sleep alone…" she trailed off again. "I don't mean anything other than sleep, just…oh, forget about it." Her face had colored, and she started to stand. "Never mind. That was out of line."

He wasn't sure who was more surprised when he tightened his hand instead of letting her draw away. Or when he looked up and met her eyes. There was confusion there, and exhaustion, and it mirrored exactly the things he felt in his own soul.

She was right. It was out of line. But nothing about this situation was right.

"Your place or mine?" he asked softly.

* * *

He only turned the lights up enough so that they could see to undress, and he politely turned his back when Hoshi briefly broke the quiet to ask if she could borrow one of his t-shirts. Pulling the covers back, he crawled into the bunk and let her follow him on her own.

Her skin was warm as she settled her back against his chest. He put his arms around her. She reciprocated by wrapping her hands around his.

"Shut your eyes and think of somewhere," he whispered. "Imagine your favorite place – on Earth. The secret space you go when you want to be alone."

She trembled for a moment, but didn't respond with anything other than a long breath. Closing his own eyes, Malcolm tried to go to sleep.

It worked. And for the first time since they'd come back to the ship, he didn't dream of Urquat.


	2. Save a Prayer

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

Malcolm frowned as he rounded the corner outside the command center. Hoshi stood at the door, hesitating. It was getting late, and she'd just come back from her extended visit to Tarquin's planet today. Shouldn't she be sleeping?

"Hoshi?" he asked softly, coming up to stand beside her. "Is everything all right?"

She laid a hand against the door, but didn't open it. "I got a message from Tarquin. Coordinates for a Xindi colony."

"Have you informed the captain?"

She nodded. "He said I should put them into the database. But…"

"What is it?" Concern pricked at the back of his neck.

"The last time I was in here, he was too. _Everywhere._ The monitors – he took them all over –"

"Were you alone?"

She nodded again, suddenly looking very young.

He took the padd out of her hands and opened the door. "Why don't I come in with you, then? I'll have to do a tactical analysis of the location anyway, once we've identified it."

They worked in silence for a while, until she began making mistakes. She caught and corrected them immediately, but he knew the signs of exhaustion when he saw them. Malcolm shut his console down. "It's late."

"It was late when we came in here."

"It's after midnight now, Hoshi, and you're starting to make simple errors. Time to get some rest."

She bent her head over her screen and sighed. "I'm…"

"You're what?"

"This…this wasn't the only place he was here. I'm not sure I can –"

"Your quarters, too," he said, understanding. "He was there."

She waved at the data in front of her. "He's left me alone since I came back, except for contacting me with these. But I still keep looking over my shoulder, jumping at every sound. It was like voyeurism, and now I can't get away from it."

After a long pause, he slid his hand over hers. She glanced up, and he knew she, too, was remembering the night that they _hadn't_ dreamed about Urquat.

"Why don't I walk with you there?"

* * *

She'd only hesitated long enough to check and make sure the corridor was empty before pulling him in behind her. He wasn't surprised; he'd expected it. Both of them knew what he'd meant when he'd made the offer.

The part he didn't expect was for her to turn around and press herself to him before they could undress. Awkwardly, he put his arms around her waist. She was trembling. "What is it?"

"I know he's gone," she said. "But I don't feel safe anymore."

His found himself cradling his head against her shoulder. "It's all right," he answered quietly. She was as safe as any of them could be in the Expanse, anyway. "You'll be all right. Hoshi – did he –"

She leaned back in his embrace only long enough to look him in the eye. Malcolm caught his breath when he saw her expression. It had been one thing to offer a bit of physical comfort, but the rules against fraternization existed for a reason. Some lines shouldn't be crossed.

But when she pushed herself up on to her toes to kiss him, he responded anyway. She parted her lips under his, deepening the kiss, and he tangled a hand into her hair.

It occurred to him that she was very likely just reacting to a traumatic experience. The fraternization regulations were questionable anyway; they weren't in the same chain of command.

_You're rationalizing_, a part of his mind argued. He ignored it. Her hands were warm against his skin as they began to unbutton his uniform collar.

* * *

She'd fallen asleep afterward, breathing softly in the starlight. Malcolm knew that the best thing to do was to go ahead and leave, but something moved him to linger, at least for a while.

It was a bit of an unsettling idea. He was the senior officer. This was the kind of thing he knew he shouldn't do and had told himself he _wouldn't_ do with anyone on the crew. Even worse, Hoshi was a bridge officer. He had to work closely with her every day.

She shifted slightly and sighed, but didn't wake up. He lifted his hand and hesitantly stroked the side of her face. She was beautiful.

Was that why he'd broken his own rule?

Malcolm shook his head. No. She was possibly the most stunning woman he'd ever met, but he'd long ago learned to protect himself from pretty faces. As a general rule, he'd discovered that relationships were more trouble than they were worth.

_But this isn't a relationship_, he reminded himself. _I'm not looking for one of those._ While he'd never asked her – it wasn't exactly a topic for polite conversation – he suspected she probably wasn't either.

After all, they were on a dangerous mission.

Hoshi shifted again and opened her eyes. She colored slightly, but her voice was soft. "Hi."

He smiled down at her, moving his hand from her cheek to the edge of her hair. She turned her face slightly to follow it, pressing her lips against his fingers.

"Thank you," she said. "I needed that."

"I know," he answered. "And I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. But it can't –"

"It can't happen again," she agreed. "It's all right. I know that."

He leaned down to brush his lips against her forehead. "You're beautiful."

Echoing his earlier gestures, she laid a hand against his cheek. They gently kissed one last time before he slid out of the bed toward his uniform.


	3. Ain't Nobody

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

Malcolm buried his face in her hair and exhaled hard. "Hoshi. I'm sorry."

She shifted slightly. "For what? I enjoyed that."

He shook his head, but didn't elaborate. She didn't seem to understand that this had been the _least_ acceptable method of dealing with the fallout from the Andorians' visit and assistance. It had been a long time since anyone had gotten underneath his skin the way the _Kumari_'s tactical officer had, but that hadn't been Hoshi's doing.

Wiggling out from underneath him, she used a hand to smooth back his hair. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"You're thinking that this is inappropriate fraternization, or that it isn't fair to use me as a substitute for that lieutenant. Or something similar. Right?"

He didn't meet her eyes. "This wasn't the right thing to do."

"Then why did you do it?"

That was the other thing that bothered him. He'd come to her almost automatically, simply seeming to find himself outside her door after their duty shifts ended. Hoshi hadn't seemed surprised to see him; she'd simply stepped aside, let him in, and then responded in kind when he'd reached for her.

They hadn't actually spoken until now.

Sighing, Malcolm rolled over onto his back. "I'm not sure why I'm here."

She pushed up onto her elbows to look at him. "It's no sin not to be sure. Sometimes you just…" she trailed off. "_Need_, I guess. The way I did after Tarquin."

He reached up to brush her hair back from one shoulder and then frowned. There was a fresh bruise there. "But I could have hurt you."

Hoshi chuckled. "I'm not that fragile. And it's not the first time I've been a convenient warm body. These things happen."

"That doesn't necessarily make them all right," he answered softly, moving his hand to stroke her face. "I shouldn't have come here. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not." She leaned over to kiss him lightly, perhaps meaning to silence him, but it was shatteringly electric and he found himself tangling a hand into her hair, pulling her closer. His other hand slipped to her waist, and she gasped softly as he pulled her across his hips. The light from her desk lamp caught the tones of her skin, casting everything in a golden aura.

Later, when he was back in his quarters, he realized that there hadn't been any hints of blue at all. Nor had he been thinking of soldier quality or weapons technology or the fact that Andorian hands were discernibly cooler than human ones.

* * *

He'd stopped reading the database from Lorian's _Enterprise_ when he'd seen that Hoshi had had children with someone else. To his surprise, uncovering the information had hurt. But he firmly reminded himself that their assignations – they'd given up on "just this once" after the third encounter – didn't necessarily mean a romantic relationship. They'd never had any of the conversations that two adults who were pursuing each other emotionally might have.

Of course, he reflected, now that they'd defeated the time loop, there was no telling what the future might hold.

Malcolm slammed the torpedo casing closed with more than the necessary force. These were not the thoughts of a person who was dedicated to a mission to, quite literally, save the world.

"That didn't sound too friendly," came a soft voice from behind him.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Bad day."

"Are there ever any good ones in the Expanse?" Hoshi asked, coming into the lighted area of the armory. She had a padd in her hands. "I finished translating another section of the Xindi weapon's schematics."

"Thank you. I'll look at them after I finish recalibrating these."

She leaned her head to one side. "There's a rumor going around about chocolate cheesecake in the mess hall. Chef baked a big one to celebrate the galley coming back online."

"That's nice." He turned back to the torpedoes.

"We could go get a slice."

"That's kind of you, but I'm a bit busy. Don't wait on my account; it might be gone before you get to the mess hall."

She sighed. "They were twins, you know."

His hands stopped. "What?"

"My children on the other _Enterprise_. They were twins, born the same day. So I wasn't necessarily married to their father, or even involved with him."

"It's none of my business, Hoshi."

She shrugged and turned away. "Suit yourself. But I thought you might like to know."

To his surprise, he realized it did make him feel better. Malcolm watched her leave, his unease deepening into true discomfort. Somehow, he realized, despite all the reasons why it was a bad idea, he was getting tangled up in her charms anyway.

He wasn't sure which one of them this could hurt worse.

* * *

In a split second, she was gone.

Malcolm stopped the bridge recording, rewound, and set it to play again. _Enterprise_ had been under heavy fire from the Xindi. Captain Archer had just redirected their fire to target the Xindi weapon's shield generators when, without warning, Hoshi disappeared in a curtain of particles.

The tone of the captain's voice captured everything he'd felt when he'd found out. _"Hoshi!"_

It had happened in mere seconds, just like Corporal Hawkins' death. If he so much as blinked while watching the recording, he would miss the actual event. Malcolm stopped and rewound the recording again.

"That's not going to change anything. And I thought you were working on the mission profile for boarding the Weapon."

Malcolm glanced up to see the captain standing over him. "It's done, sir," he replied. "I sent it to your queue a couple of minutes ago."

Archer nodded without meeting his eyes. "Okay. I'll go look at it."

He didn't have anything to offer in return, so he just nodded and started the recording again. How could he have been so foolish as to overlook the fact that transporters could be so easily used for kidnapping? They'd had this vulnerability for years, but it had taken losing someone for him to realize it.

And why, cried a part deep inside, did Hoshi have to be the person who'd served as the object lesson? It was just one more loss amid a list that had become far too long.

"Malcolm."

He hadn't realized the captain hadn't yet left. "Sir?"

"Could you…not keep watching that? It was bad enough the first time."

Malcolm looked up again, and abruptly caught his breath when he saw the haunted, haggard look on the captain's face. He'd seen it before; recently, in fact. As recently as the last time he'd looked in the mirror.


	4. We Found Love

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

Malcolm nearly cheered when he felt Hoshi's hand squeeze his. Although the captain had insisted that she be brought with them on the mission to destroy the weapon over Earth, he'd agreed to allow her to wake up on her own. They'd quietly taken turns sitting next to her side.

She moaned softly, and he slid out of his chair to kneel beside the cot. "Hoshi? Hoshi, it's all right to wake up. You're safe now, love."

He blinked at his own words. He'd accepted that he was attracted to her, but love? Where had _that_ come from?

No matter. There'd be time to sort everything out after this last, final, mission.

Blinking to clear his thoughts, he used his free hand to brush her hair back from her forehead. He grimaced at the scars revealed there. "Oh, darling. I'm so sorry. But I'm sure Phlox will be able to remove those for you."

She took a sharp breath that came back out as a whimper, and her eyes fluttered briefly before she jerked her hand free. "Lying to me."

"Hoshi?"

"Finished what you wanted, and you said you'd kill me. Just _do_ it already!"

"Hoshi!" He took her hand again. "Hoshi, it's Malcolm. You're onboard the Primate ship. Captain Archer and I are here with you. There's no need to fight –"

She took another shuddering breath, but stilled. "Captain Archer? Really?"

"Yes. Wake up, love. We need you."

Hoshi's eyes fluttered open. They darted from side to side for a long moment before they finally came to rest on him. "Captain. So glad. Don't want to live if you die."

Malcolm froze. She didn't want to live if the _captain_ died? That didn't sound like her at all. He touched the side of her face. "Hoshi. Are you with me?"

A smile touched the corners of her mouth and she turned her face slightly into his hand, pressing her lips against the fingers. "Captain. Jonathan."

_Jonathan? _She was calling the captain's name?

It was a second before he realized his jaw had fallen open slightly. And that he'd likely have fallen to his knees if he hadn't already been on them.

* * *

He frowned slightly when Hoshi turned toward her quarters. "You should go to sickbay."

"I will," she said, with that same flat tone she'd been using ever since the weapon had exploded with Captain Archer on it. Her expression hadn't even changed when she'd hugged Trip. "But I want a shower first."

"I hardly think that matters now. And we could still be on water restrictions." While it was clear that the repair work had continued while they were off-ship, there was still damage everywhere. _Enterprise_ was going to need extensive time in dry dock before everything was back to normal.

"It matters to me." She didn't meet his eyes.

Malcolm took a long breath before answering. "I'll come with you, then. You're not steady yet. I don't want you to fall or pass out."

Her expression didn't change. "I'll be all right."

This time his sigh was borne of exasperation. "I'm not going to start anything, Hoshi. I just want to make sure you get to sickbay safely."

"I'll be _fine!_" she snapped. "Just leave me alone for a few minutes! The captain's _dead_, and I need to –" she cut herself off, gasping, as her face started to crumple. He dropped his bag and reached for her, concerned, but she shook him off and ran down the corridor.

By the time he caught up with her at her door, tears were streaming down her face and her hands were shaking too badly to enter the lock code. Malcolm gently pushed her hand away from the console and used his security override to open the door. Once inside, she went straight to the bathroom. The sounds of her sobs were clearly audible over the noise of the shower.

He stood in the middle of the room for a few minutes before quietly moving to the closet to find her a set of clean – or, at least, cleaner – clothing. She might be crying for the captain, but he was the one who would escort her to sickbay.

* * *

Phlox had okayed her coming to the bridge to see them reach Earth, but she'd returned to sickbay to finish treatment while Trip and Travis had gone down to the surface to investigate the radio silence. After that, things had become too busy for them to have time to have a conversation.

But Malcolm was determined that they would. He'd felt the weight of Hoshi's stare from across the bridge during the odd quiet moments after she'd been completely released back to duty. It might not have been visible, but the captain's shadow lay between them as surely as their respective consoles.

Aside of the crying spell in the shower, she'd otherwise been expressionless in his presence since the Xindi weapon had exploded. So the sight of a smile crossing her face as she abruptly bent over her console came as a surprise. "I'm picking up another signal. It's faint…"

He agreed with the sentiment; it was good to hear the captain's voice and see him alive. But even as the captain clapped him on the shoulder in response to his greeting, Hoshi turned away and took on her expressionless demeanor again. Her smile – and her hug – hadn't been for him.

Malcolm swallowed. Maybe there wasn't any need for that conversation after all. It was already obvious where her heart lay.

All he could do was try and learn to let go.


	5. Love is a Losing Game

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

_Author's Note: This chapter contains a slash scene. You have been warned!_

* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

"You're in love with the captain, aren't you?"

Hoshi dropped her eyes to stare into her drink. "You certainly don't mince words."

"Answer the question," said Malcolm. They kept their voices low, below the restaurant's music. Travis and Phlox had accompanied them for the start of shore leave in the evening, but both had since retired for the night.

"I'm not in love with the captain," she answered, not meeting his eyes.

"You are aware that you were calling his name on the Xindi-Primate ship, right?"

"I was delirious! I didn't even know what I was doing half the time!" She gestured toward her hairline. "And I _still_ have some of those things in my brain."

He frowned. "I thought Phlox took care of that."

"It's a process." Putting her drink down, Hoshi warmed to the topic. "I still have a couple of treatments left, but for right now there are some lingering effects –"

"You're changing the subject."

She dropped her eyes again.

"You wouldn't be the first one to develop a crush on your C.O., you know," Malcolm continued.

"A crush on T'Pol? I thought we were talking about Captain Archer."

"Hoshi." She obviously didn't want to discuss the topic. Unfortunately, he was determined to do just that. Was their affair simply something that would be left in the Expanse, or was it something more?

"I don't want to be a cliché," she said, voice barely audible over the music. "I know he'd never be interested in me. I hate that I keep…thinking about him."

Malcolm swallowed, but forced himself to wrap a hand around hers. "It's all right, you know."

"What's all right?"

"You can talk about it with me. We never –"

She jerked her hand away. "We never did _anything_! It was just one of those things. And I don't want to talk about it!"

Stung, he withdrew his hand and asked for the check.

* * *

Malcolm was reasonably sure he'd never seen Trip this drunk. They'd only had one bottle to split between them during their ill-fated shuttlecraft journey, which had meant a practical limit to the number of drinks. Here, the only limitations were those placed by the bar's servers.

Who, once they'd verified that both of them had rooms in the hotel, hadn't been inclined to enforce strict cutoffs.

It occurred to him that Trip had never seen him this drunk either, which for some reason was delightfully amusing. He giggled as he finished his latest round of whiskey.

"What's so funny?" demanded Trip, who'd been going on about the reasons that they had to go to Malaysia, Malcolm's parents or no. Apparently some of the best scuba diving in the world was there. _That_ thought had Malcolm signaling for another round of drinks.

"You're drunk," he said in delayed response to the question.

"And that's funny?"

"When's the last time you were this snockered?" It wasn't quite an answer to the question, but Trip wasn't exactly in any condition to notice.

"Don't remember. That's the point," the other man continued, slurring his words. "I don't want to remember. Two weeks of my life…hell, more'n that…down the drain. Wasted."

"I wouldn't exactly call it wasted. We did defeat the Xindi."

"Yeah. There is that." Trip accepted another drink and downed half of it in one gulp.

"And we all noticed that you and T'Pol left for Vulcan together…" That wasn't the only thing that the rumor mill had noticed, but Trip was always noticeably prickly whenever the topic came up.

"Well you see how well that worked out, don't ya?" He swallowed the other half of his drink. "She's still there. And I'm here."

Malcolm had noticed that, too. "Did something happen?"

"Did something happen?" Now Trip reached for Malcolm's drink. "Did something _happen_? Oh, hell, yeah, I got to go to a Vulcan wedding. That's what happened."

T'Pol had gotten married? Malcolm began to wonder just how drunk they really were. "I take it that this was a…family affair?"

Trip's lips twisted. "Yeah, T'Pol's Mom is certainly all about family. And about obligation. And all about her bein' _Vulcan_, not human." He snorted. "She'd give any Mama Bear here a run for her money. Some things really are the same."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Women." Trip examined the glasses on the table, apparently looking for one that hadn't already been emptied. "They're all the same. Just usin' us for their fun, and then hidin' behind family and duty and all those other noble reasons when we don't fit in their little worlds."

"Or no reason at all," murmured Malcolm, thinking of Hoshi's absolute silence following the scene in the restaurant.

Trip looked up from his examination. "That sounded like a man with woman trouble of his own."

His answer was a shrug.

"People had noticed, y'know."

"Noticed what?" Another drink _would_ be nice about now, Malcolm realized.

"You'n Hoshi. Gettin' kind of cozy there at one point, but now…you're here alone, right?" Trip returned his nod. "Women. Kinda makes you think that the guys who swing th'other way are right, ya know? Certainly wouldn't never have _these_ kinds of problems."

Thankfully, the servers came by around then to pick up the empty glasses and replace them with full ones. Malcolm was able to hide his expression behind his drink. "There are other problems."

"Spoken like someone who'd know."

They'd never discussed anything like this before. Malcolm stood up abruptly. "You're right. I do. But it hardly matters, doesn't it? _She's_ definitely a woman." He went out onto the patio, desperately needing air. It was pleasantly dark; they were on the other side of the Bay from the most populous part of San Francisco.

Trip came up beside him after a long moment. "Malcolm? I'm sorry if I…said something I shouldn't've. I'm drunk."

"That you are. And upset." So was he, though he didn't quite understand all of the reasons why.

"I guess that's goin' around." He held up his drink. "C'mon, let's go back in. We'll drink to all the ways women can mess with your heads. And how men can be better sometimes. Hell, we can drink to how stupid love is, in general."

"I suppose," he answered slowly after a long moment. "We can do that."

Their eyes met, and he knew then that they wouldn't be going back to the bar.

It started in the elevator toward his floor, clumsy, awkward, both of their hands fumbling with the unfamiliar fastenings on the other's civilian clothing. Somehow they made it into the room before things got too far for public decency.

Neither of them spoke; their mouths were too busy exploring each other's bodies. It was better that way, Malcolm decided. He knew what this was. He knew that Trip knew what this was. Distress. Desperation. Intoxication. It was anything but what it could have been with Hoshi, and he decided he'd have no regrets.

All the same, he was relieved when he woke alone the next morning.


	6. Looking For a Reason

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

Hoshi stood next to him during the briefing that called them back early from leave, but she was clearly looking everywhere _except_ at him. The one time they accidentally made eye contact, a faint flush touched her features before she dropped her gaze.

Seeing her discomfort made Malcolm feel fractionally better. It was nice to know he wasn't the only one who felt that way. If other expressions around the table were any indicator, this hadn't been the best of leaves for several of the _Enterprise_ crew.

Swallowing a sigh, he blinked and forced his attention back to the captain's words. Nothing ever went easy for this crew, did it? They'd only just finished fighting the war against the Xindi, but now the Eugenics Wars were coming back to haunt them. Across the table, Trip fidgeted restlessly.

Malcolm had actually been a tad surprised to see that everyone had come back. After a mission like the Expanse, a few transfers wouldn't have been surprising. The thought had, in fact, even occurred to him.

Grimacing inwardly, he forced himself back to attention once again. A transfer wouldn't solve anything, and Reeds never retreated. His father had drummed that into him countless times.

_But_, a corner of his mind insisted, _there is such a thing as a strategic withdrawal. You've more than proven your mettle in this post over the past three years_.

He shook his head slightly, consciously having to drag his awareness back to the meeting yet again. The thought wouldn't go away, no matter how much he ignored it. Maybe that meant it was worth considering.

* * *

After securing Dr. Soong in quarters for the trip into the Borderland, Malcolm reported to the bridge. He got there just as Hoshi was taking a report into the ready room. On her way out, she paused next to his station. "I'd like to talk to you after we go off-shift."

He didn't look up. "I'm not sure I'll have time. I was planning to address some of the outstanding paperwork after dinner." _Enterprise_ had been through a fairly significant refit as part of the repair work, and he needed to catch up on that before he could start making the transitional notes his replacement would need.

"Paperwork." She glanced at his console. "Like a transfer request?"

"Hoshi." He returned her look this time, still keeping his voice low. "It's not like you to pry."

"And it's not like _you_ to run from your problems."

"I'm not running from –" he cut himself off, realizing his voice was starting to rise and definitely not wanting to have this conversation here anyway. If they even had it at all. "Ensign, this isn't any of your concern. You should re-take your station."

Her lips twitched and then flattened. "Yes, sir. But I have _concerns_ that we should discuss at your earliest convenience."

Malcolm turned back to his console, closing the transfer request file and opening another report. "Are they security related?"

"No," she answered in a cool tone. "But they do involve the captain."

"I'm sure there are good reasons for whatever behaviors are concerning you."

"Not particularly," she said, "which is why I'd like to talk to you."

He looked back up, meeting her eyes with an intentionally blank look in his own. "Questioning the captain's motivations is outside our scope unless you believe he's acting inappropriately or without proper authority. That'll be all, Ensign." He put a subtle emphasis on her rank this time.

She didn't miss it. "Aye-aye, _Lieutenant_."

Malcolm kept his features even as she crossed the bridge, but he abruptly remembered his observation to Soong about publicity. _I think I've had all I can stand._

He'd had about all he could stand here, too.

If he'd ever needed reinforcement that there might be more than one good reason to leave _Enterprise_, the exchange with Soong combined with this one definitely provided it. He resolved to finish the transfer application tonight, in his quarters, before he went to bed.

* * *

He'd thought he'd gotten to the gym early enough that most everyone else would still be asleep. But he was out of luck: the chief engineer was already on one of the treadmills.

Malcolm's attempt to fade unnoticed from the room didn't work, either. "I've already seen you," announced Trip. "Might as well come on in."

With a sigh, Malcolm entered and threw his towel over the bar of an adjoining treadmill. Maybe if he started the conversation, he could steer it clear of uncomfortable subjects. "Has your insomnia come back?"

"No. It's just easier to stay in my quarters after dinner if I've already gotten everything else out of the way."

"It'll be easier now that Dr. Soong is off the ship."

Trip exhaled loudly. "God, I'm glad that's over. If I never hear about an Augment again, it'll be just fine with me."

"I couldn't agree more." Malcolm had gladly been part of the escort that took the megalomaniac geneticist back to his prison cell. He started his treadmill, satisfied that this encounter with Trip was proceeding without much discomfort.

They ran in silence for a few minutes, until Trip started a cool-down cycle and glanced in his direction. "You know," he said, "you really made a big difference on this mission. I'm glad you came back to _Enterprise_ after our leaves were up."

"Where else would I have gone?" That had been one of the few reasons he'd used to argue with himself against that transfer application, which despite his intentions was still sitting half-finished in his queue.

"I don't know," answered Trip. "But I wouldn't have blamed you if you had requested another assignment. I came pretty close."

"You? Give up on the Warp 5 engine?"

"_Columbia_'s only a few months from launch. I wouldn't have to give it up."

"Then why didn't you request reassignment?"

Trip stopped his treadmill and got off. "I thought about it. I even finished up the application. But it's just – nobody on another ship would understand what happens to people in the Expanse. So they wouldn't have any idea how to deal with the effects."

"Effects such as?"

"Learning some things about yourself that you might not like. Dealing with the fact that you've done things you never thought you would." Trip snapped his towel, seeming to hesitate, but then looked up to meet Malcolm's eyes directly. "There's too much unfinished business for me to just leave."

So much for keeping the conversation away from uncomfortable subjects. "We did all seem to reach some personal crucibles while we were there."

"And after. Malcolm, it's easier for me to just avoid T'Pol right now. But I don't want to have to avoid you too."

"There's no need for you to avoid me."

"Isn't there? I mean, that night didn't –"

"We were both drunk."

"The last time I checked, that tended to make people _more_ honest, not less." Trip sighed. "Though in the worst ways."

"There's such a thing as too much honesty." Malcolm switched his treadmill off and stepped down. "But I know nothing would've ever come of it. You do too, Trip, even if you don't want to admit to something so crass as a one-night stand."

Trip looked away. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"That's all there is to it, then."

"No." Trip caught his eyes again. "No, it isn't. Hoshi talked to me, told me what she saw. She said that _Enterprise_ needs you, and she's right. We do. She does. I do. We just all need time to get back to normal."

This time, Malcolm looked away. "I'm not sure what 'normal' means anymore."

"Neither am I. But I'm sure of one thing. There's nowhere else we're more likely to figure it out than here."


	7. Shy That Way

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

Some months later, Malcolm found himself wishing that Trip had followed his own advice. On one level, he understood what had finally driven the other man to finally request that transfer; T'Pol's marriage had made a certain kind of sense, but her divorce definitely didn't. But on another, more selfish level, he admitted that it would be very nice to have someone to talk to about the mess he was in.

The Klingon in the brig's other holding cell definitely wouldn't understand.

Sighing, he leaned back on the less-than-comfortable bunk and pillowed his hands behind his head. The captain seemed to think that leaving him with nothing to do besides think would lead to some change of heart.

The door to the brig hissed open, admitting Hoshi. She came straight to the door of his cell. "I'd heard you were down here."

"Yes." He sat up but didn't get off the bunk.

"What is going on?"

"I can't talk about it."

She sighed and crossed her arms. "Malcolm, I'm this ship's comm officer. I know about those encrypted transmissions to your quarters. I knew about them at the time."

"Then why didn't you do anything then?"

"I figured you had your reasons." Uncrossing her arms, she pressed her hands against the door sill. "Do you want to talk about whatever you can?"

He felt his mouth quirk into a thin smile. "I'm not sure it would make a whole lot of sense. In fact, I'm not entirely sure why I'm even still here. We _are_ still in hostile space, aren't we?"

"Yes, but things seem to be quiet for the moment. I think the captain's just mad. He's feeling pretty betrayed by whatever's going on."

Malcolm sighed and got up to cross to the door. "If you want to know the truth, I can't exactly say that I blame him."

"I can."

He met her eyes with a questioning look.

"You're right. We're still in hostile space. Ensign McCallister is doing all right, but she's...not you. The captain knows that. He shouldn't leave you down here doing nothing."

"I'm surprised to hear _you_ questioning the captain, of all people." It was out before he realized it, that acknowledgment of the awkwardness that had lain between them for months. He had always avoided her attempts to have that conversation she'd tried to start on the bridge that day.

Hoshi's expression indicated she hadn't missed the personal nature of the comment. "The captain's not perfect. I can see that."

"No." But he had earned Malcolm's respect a hundred times over. "Still, he is the captain."

"I know. But just..." she trailed off. "Know that whatever's going on, there are still some of us who are still willing to listen to your side. Whatever that side is."

The smile didn't feel quite so thin this time. "Thank you."

"I have to get back up to the bridge. But would you like me to come back down later?"

"Yes," he said softly, surprising himself with the realization that he meant it.

* * *

"I report to one man: Jonathan Archer." Malcolm snapped the viewer off before Harris could reply, hoping he'd never have to deal with the man again. Feeling satisfied, he re-opened his hard-bound copy of _Ulysses_ and settled back down onto the bed.

He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until the door chimed. The book slid off his chest as he sat up. "Come in."

Hoshi's eyes went to the book lying open on the floor. "If this is a bad time..."

"No." Malcolm retrieved the book, closed it and set it on the desk. "Please. Sit down."

She glanced around, remaining on her feet. "There was another encrypted transmission. I came to see what you were..." she trailed off and made an awkward gesture with her hands. "If you wanted to talk."

They'd never had that chance after her visit to the brig. At the time, he'd reflected that it might be a good thing given the reason they hadn't talked for so long before his incarceration. But her words during her visit had surprised him. "I wouldn't mind. If you sit down."

She did, but kept her back straight and her feet flat on the floor. "It was good to see you on the bridge earlier today."

"Yes. It was good to be back."

"I'm glad the captain finally came around. We needed you."

"Thank you," he said softly, not sure what to say next.

Hoshi glanced at the book again and started to respond, but then sighed. Her back relaxed a bit. "I suppose we don't have a whole lot to say anymore, do we?"

"Would you like us to?" Malcolm was surprised to realize he would.

She met his eyes briefly. "I don't know. But I don't like the way things ended up."

He dropped his gaze. "It's not the first time I've had it happen."

"Is it because of…this? The reason you're so shy and secretive?"

He didn't know how to answer that, but Hoshi apparently interpreted something from his expression. Taking a deep breath, she reached over and took his hand. "Sometimes what we _don't_ say is as important as what we do."

"I suppose."

"I couldn't help the…schoolgirl crush. But Malcolm, what I didn't say is that I did know that's all it was. It never could have been anything else. The thing is, with you…I don't know what it was with you. I never did figure it out."

"I always imagined it was something along the lines of comfort."

"It started out that way."

"There are worse things," he said gently. "And I don't mind."

"What about you? What is it for you?"

He met her eyes. "I know what I thought it was at the time." _You're safe now, love_. "But I'm not sure I was right. There's…a lot of unfinished business," he finished awkwardly.

She slid her hand more securely around his. "Not talking about it didn't help."

"No," he acknowledged softly. "It didn't."

"Can we talk now?"

They did, long into the night.


	8. 21 Questions

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

"It's kind of sad, really," Hoshi said softly when she brought him the research she'd done on Susan Khouri. "She simply seemed to drop off the face of the planet about a year ago, and it doesn't look like anyone went looking for her."

Malcolm took the data module and loaded it into his console. "Some people prefer things that way. She might have been hiding from someone."

"It doesn't look like it. Nobody's even come forward to claim her body." She lingered beside him, not touching but closer than what would be strictly professional. He'd gotten used to it over the past couple of weeks, ever since the night after he'd been released from the brig.

Malcolm gave her a small smile, though he kept his eyes and hands on the console in front of him. They'd spent that night together as well as several more, but oddly enough the physical aspect had never gone beyond what they'd shared the very first time, when both had been dreaming of Urquat. What was even odder was that neither of them seemed to mind.

He paged through the data in front of him. "There doesn't seem to be anything particularly unusual here. She was too isolated to develop any enemies at all, never mind one who'd have access to a phase pistol."

"And the anger to use it," mused Hoshi. "Has Dr. Phlox finished analyzing the hair sample?"

"If he has, I don't know about it."

She sighed and leaned against the console, still careful not to touch him. "I wonder why the captain asked _me_ to investigate her. I had to tie in to the planetary databases remotely from the bridge. Starfleet Command has direct access."

Malcolm flagged several of the items in the list and then forwarded a summary file to T'Pol. "My guess is that the captain doesn't think Starfleet will be completely forthcoming with whatever they find."

"Assuming they find anything. I was pretty thorough."

"There's also something to be said for trust," said Malcolm softly.

Hoshi's answer was a quiet chuckle. She squeezed his hand for a brief moment before straightening up. "That's true. It's nice to be trusted."

* * *

"Travis certainly seems to have friends in interesting places," observed Hoshi as she assisted him with preparations for their clandestine trip to Mars. "I never would have believed that Trip and T'Pol could even penetrate that mining colony."

Malcolm shrugged as he accepted one of the updated Universal Translators. "He's still the same Travis."

"Is he? Sometimes when you learn something about someone, it can really change the way you perceive them."

He stopped and looked up. "Learn something such as what? That someone's more than just their Starfleet background?"

She had the good grace to look embarrassed. "When you put it that way, I guess it is pretty silly, isn't it? To change your mind based on one incident when compared with several years of knowing someone?"

"Well, people can change over time." He brushed the side of her face lightly, reflecting that it was something he never would have done prior to their time in the Expanse. "I can remember when the idea of merely stepping onto a Warp 5 vessel gave you pause. Now you're about to take command of one."

"Does that make you look at me differently?"

"Only in the best of ways. Do you think of _me_ differently now that you know about my own...friends in interesting places?"

"Should I?" Her tone had become openly teasing now.

"I suppose it depends on what kind of change you've developed in your attitude." Malcolm zipped his pack closed and clipped it to his belt. "Samuels can get in your face, but if you stand your ground, he'll back down. Don't let him intimidate you."

"I'm not a complete neophyte," she complained in response.

"No," he said, his mood abruptly turning serious. "No, you aren't, are you?"

"Malcolm?"

He touched the side of her face again, this time letting his hand linger. "Be careful, Hoshi."

She laid her hand over his. "You're the ones who are trying to sneak onto Mars using a _comet_ as cover. I should be telling you to be careful."

"We will be."

She startled him then, going up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "I know you will. That's one reason I like having you around."

Giving in to a sudden impulse, he turned his head and touched his lips to hers. Hoshi jerked in surprise, but leaned into the kiss for a long moment before pulling away.

"That's a reason for both of us to be careful, then," she said softly as they walked out to meet the others in the shuttle bay.

* * *

"I'm so glad that's over." Hoshi put her tray down beside his, joining him for a late dinner in the Mess Hall. "Maybe things can start getting back toward normal now."

"Normal?" He blinked; she wasn't usually this uncompassionate. "Their child _died_, Hoshi. I'm surprised Trip and T'Pol made it through the memorial service as well as they did."

"I said _back toward_ normal. Not normal." She took a bite of her dinner, chewing and swallowing before she continued. "Sometimes the familiar can be comforting, and it'll be a relief to step back into our regular roles instead of being...security personnel."

He chuckled. "That is normal for some of us, you know."

"Touché." She sighed. "I guess I'm just ready _not_ to have some excitement for a while."

"Command isn't all it's cracked up to be?"

"Let's just say I'm not going to be quite as ambitious as I might have been before." She gestured with her fork. "What about you? Ready to get back out there?"

"I am," he said, surprising himself. "It won't be the same, of course, with Shran coming aboard." Owing primarily to her history as the first human ship to successfully integrate non-human personnel, _Enterprise_ had been selected as a demonstration project for a truly mixed crew. It was seen as a step toward a possible Coalition fleet.

After hearing the identities of some of their new crew, though, Malcolm had his doubts about the possibility of success. He laughed softly. When had he ever _not_ had doubts? It seemed that some things were returning to normal after all.

"What's so funny?"

"I was just thinking that the more things change, the more they seem to stay the same." He told her what he'd been thinking, and was rewarded with a small smile from her as well. It felt good, to be enjoying a pleasant moment after the sadness of little Elizabeth's memorial service.

"I don't know," said Hoshi after a moment. "Some things have changed. Do you remember the first time we sat here and had a personal conversation?"

He did, and the memory brought another smile. She'd been trying to find out his favorite food, and he'd completely misunderstood her intent. "I do. But I'm not sure things have changed from that, you know."

Her eyes widened. "Really?"

"I'm still not convinced that there isn't any personal interest there."

"That's a pretty confident statement, _Lieutenant_."

"Is it?" Sobering suddenly, he leaned forward so he could lower his voice. "Can you really say there's nothing going on here, Hoshi? I know we haven't – done anything – since the Expanse, but I didn't imagine what happened before we left for Mars."

A touch of color appeared on her cheeks. "No, you didn't. But..."

"So is that how things will be? A little bit of something now and then, but no real attempt at seeing where it might go?" Suddenly irritated, he stood to leave.

"Wait." Her hand closed over his. Malcolm told himself that he was just trying to avoid a scene when he sank back down onto the chair. "This isn't going the way I meant it to. I was...trying to find a way to ask you back to my quarters. That's why I brought up the personal conversations."

"Oh." His voice gentled. "I misunderstood."

"There are still a lot of questions," she acknowledged. "But I think...I think it's time we defined a new 'normal' instead of just...reacting to whatever's going on. Don't you?"

"Yes," he said. "I'd like that. I'd like that very much."

Her hand slid into his as they left the Mess Hall.


	9. Fly Me to the Moon

_Star Trek_ and _Star Trek: Enterprise_ are the copyrighted property of CBS Studios, Inc. This fiction item is intended for entertainment purposes only. No compensation has been received or will be accepted for it, and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended or should be implied.

* * *

**Local Attractions**

* * *

When the chime sounded, Malcolm put a bookmark in his book and laid it aside. He knew who it was before he ever answered the door. Even so, he smiled when he saw her.

Hoshi came in, sighed and collapsed into the chair where he'd been sitting. "Wow. That was some speech."

"The Tellarites do seem to like using complicated words to express simple concepts," he answered, moving around to unfasten her hair. It fell around her shoulders like a black, silken curtain, and he gave in to the urge to run his fingers through it before he started rubbing her neck.

"You think that was complicated? Try translating it into Vulcan without losing any of the contextual meaning, or causing a political incident with your idioms." She made a small sound of pleasure and closed her eyes for a second. "Oh, that's good."

"I'm glad."

"So am I," she answered, leaning back to look at him.

He touched her face before leaning down to briefly press his lips against hers. These small gestures of affection had felt awkward at first, and he still wasn't comfortable being demonstrative in public. But he'd come to enjoy the moments they shared in private.

Hoshi captured his hands before he could start rubbing her shoulders again. "You know, there's one thing I don't like about this 'new normal.'"

"What's that?"

"There's too much _politics_. How long have we been stuck going back and forth between Jupiter and Mars now, babysitting these negotiations? I'm ready to get back out there."

Malcolm couldn't help it. He actually chuckled at the thought of Hoshi Sato being the one who was eagerly anticipating their next journey into the unknown. "It's not all bad, love. It at least gave us some time to…work things out."

She stood up and turned around to face him, winding her arms around his neck. "True. We had a chance to put some thought into it."

"Do you regret it?"

"Not in the slightest." Their kiss this time lasted much longer, and Malcolm found himself running his hands through her hair again. It was so soft, so lovely. He closed his eyes and lost himself in the moment. This, too, was something he'd never imagined: being willing – and even enthusiastic – about considering a romantic relationship.

"Malcolm?" she asked softly after they'd broken apart. "Can we just forget about work tonight?"

"I can't think of anything better," he answered, tugging her further into her quarters. "Let's pretend we're back out among the stars."

She pushed up onto her toes to kiss him again.

* * *

_That's all folks! We're done. Hope you enjoyed._

_This was written for the 2012 Valentine's Day Playlist Challenge at the Delphic Expanse._


End file.
